How To Spend Quality Time With Your Child

Tell Me About Spending Quality Time With My Child

Do you ever feel pressure when it comes to spending quality time with your child?

So often, I hear of families doing really exciting and unusual activities with their children, or taking them on amazing holidays across the globe.

Immediately, I start to compare what they are doing with what we are doing. I worry that my children might miss out, or that I should be making more of an effort.

But the reality is, my small children are ecstatic when we just play with a cardboard box together. Or run around the garden with outstretched arms, pretending to be jet planes (in this case, the baby just watches and smiles!).

I know many others feel pressure about quality time for different reasons, possibly because they feel they don’t have enough time to spend meaningfully with their children.

Read on for encouragement and ideas about making the most of the precious moments you have with your children, whatever their age.

What Exactly Is Quality Time With My Child?

The Oxford Dictionary describes quality time as “time in which one’s child, partner, or other loved person receives one’s undivided attention, in such a way as to strengthen the relationship.”

I find this definition really encouraging. It doesn’t talk about what you do, or how long you do it for. It’s simply about giving your undivided attention to your child in a way that helps to strengthen your relationship.

Of course, it’s not going to be fun for anybody if you all just sit there looking at each other. You’re going to want to come up with some fun things to do and to enjoy together. And you’re going to want them to be things that strengthen your relationship and help you to know and understand each other better.

So a little bit of thought does need to go into planning quality time. But some of the thinking only needs to be done once, and then it’s done forever. Wondering what I’m talking about? Hang on with me for a while, and all will become clear.

Why Is It Important To Spend Quality Time With My Child?

There are so many reasons why it’s important to spend quality time with our children. And it’s vital to remember that it’s not just good for them; it’s great for us in the long run too!

We’ve already mentioned that a main purpose of quality time is to strengthen a relationship. If we break this idea down a little bit, we find lots of reasons why it’s a great thing to do.

1. It helps us get to know our children

We only develop strong friendships when we spend plenty of time with people and keep in touch. Just because our children are our children doesn’t mean we automatically know them.

As well as this, we can’t just assume that they are exactly like us. They may have completely different interests and ways of looking at the world. To get to know them, we need to spend time in their company.

2. It builds self-confidence

Children love knowing they have the undivided attention of the adults in their lives. Self-confidence builds as they understand they truly matter to their parents and guardians.

This is especially the case if time spent with children includes an opportunity for them to talk about their lives, or to share their interests and skills.

3. It helps with discipline

Children usually behave better for adults they know are genuinely interested in them. This doesn’t mean you have to be their best friend, far from it! But if they know you really care about them and their interests, they will naturally be more eager to please you with their behaviour.

4. It makes memories

As you spend time together, you begin to build up a bank of treasured memories that will be remembered with affection long into the future.

How Much Quality Time Should I Spend With My Child?

There’s no set formula for this. Everyone’s life is different, with a range of routines and demands. Some of us may only see our children at weekends, while others may be with them 24-7.

I’m with my children pretty much all day every day. But there’s no way all that time is quality time!

I have so many other things to focus on apart from the children themselves: cooking, housework, paperwork etc. All these things take time and need to be done. So quite often, although the children are in the room with me, they don’t have my undivided attention.

However, I try to build short blocks into my day when I down tools and focus solely on the children. I feel less guilty about the other stuff that needs done, because I know the focused time is coming. And they (well the toddler anyway) are content because they know the time to play with me will arrive soon.

So, while it’s great if you have lots of time to devote to quality time with your child, don’t panic if you don’t. Little and often is really the key to making it work.

You’ll find some suggestions later on for how to manage quality time when time itself is scarce.

What Should I Do To Spend Quality Time With My Child?

This is where the fun starts! When you actually carve out a little piece of time to prioritise this, it’s a great feeling.

Formats of Quality Time

There are all sorts of formats that quality time can take, with many possible combinations of adults and children spending time together.

For example, you might have:

One to one parent and child time: Time spent like this is sometimes thought of as a parent/child “date”.
One parent spending time with some or all of the children
Family night (e.g. game night, movie night)
Family dinners (e.g. the Sunday roast)

Each family will find that some formats happen more easily and naturally than others. All are really valuable in their own way, with their own specific benefits.

However, even if you are regularly doing things like game nights together, it’s still a good idea for parents to plan one-to-one time with each child every now and then.

Check out our handy activity ideas sheet for all ages

Getting Ready For Quality Time

Before you settle down with your child, it’s good to try and clear your head as much as possible.

I find it helpful to quickly write down anything that’s on my mind so I can deal with it later.

I also find it helps for me to leave my phone out of reach so that I’m not tempted to be distracted by it. My little boy notices straight away if my attention wanders from him to technology!

Activities For Quality Time

But what can we actually do for quality time? I think of there as being two main categories of activities for quality time with my kids.

1. Activities that are always available and can be repeated regularly

This is what I meant earlier when I mentioned activities that just need to be thought through or planned once, before being enjoyed repeatedly.

They are great for those moments when you know you want to enjoy your child’s company, but just haven’t had the time or energy to think of something new to do. The good news is you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Very simply, you could decide to:

Read some of your child’s favourite books together
Play a board game
Make a jigsaw puzzle
Kick a ball in the garden
Go for a walk around your neighbourhood
Build something with Lego

At the start of the first lockdown, our little boy was getting really interested in jigsaws. He had some simple two-piece ones which he loved making.

My husband and I decided that jigsaws looked set to be a great indoor activity for us to do with him over the coming months. So we spent an hour or so searching online for a few new ones that were just right for him in terms of difficulty and his interests.

That hour online has provided us with many more hours of quality time than the initial “time investment”. We know the puzzles are always there in the cupboard, ready for us to pull out and enjoy together.

2. Activities You Plan and Design as a One-Off Event

Examples of this could be as simple as trying a new cookie recipe or as complicated as booking a family holiday. They require a little extra planning and thought to make sure you are prepared.

For example, you might need to gather together the necessary craft materials for a project. Or you might need to make sure you book tickets in advance for a show you want to go to together.

Examples of these activities are:

Trying a new recipe
Make a seasonal craft together
Planning a day trip to somewhere that would interest your child
Going to the playground
Going on a family weekend away

Most of my quality time with my children falls into the first category. We read the stories we already have. We play the same games in the garden that we played yesterday (and the five days before that). We pull out the well-handled play dough and make yet another sausage dog.

And every now and then we’ll go on a drive somewhere or make a new craft. But it definitely isn’t every day. And that’s okay!

Even when we’re doing the same thing over and over, we are focused on each other. And that’s what matters.

How Can I Spend Quality Time With My Child If I Haven’t Much Time?

Little and often is really the key when it comes to quality time.

My little boy is a new man after a ten-minute story time and cuddle. It sets him up to go off and play by himself for a while as I get on with tasks that need done.

Now, I know every child is different, but my point is this: it’s better for a child to know they have your attention regularly, even for a short while, than to only ever have it on the family holiday once a year.

Here are a few simple ideas for incorporating quality time when you haven’t got many hours to play with:

1. Make The Most of Everyday Routines

Huge amounts of our day are taken up with routine activities. Can you think of a way to take some of those routines and transform them into a special time for you and your child? Some examples include:

Mealtimes
Car journeys
Bathtimes/Getting dressed etc.
Doing chores

You might find it’s possible to use these times to have a chat, play a simple spoken game, sing a song, or listen to your child’s favourite music together.

2. Look For Ten-Minute Gaps

Are there any small gaps in your day that you could use to spend some quality time together? While the potatoes are boiling might be the perfect time to have a quick dance with your toddler, or play a short card game with your teen.

It’s really easy to overlook these times and think they are too tiny to be of any use. But it’s amazing how they add up.

3. Schedule In A Regular Commitment

When we are busy, it’s so easy for the things that are urgent to take over. A work deadline or a household crisis can easily overshadow our other activities.

However, if something is scheduled, it’s more difficult to ignore. It’s much harder to cancel a planned activity than it is to just ignore the fact that you probably should do it.

With this in mind, it can be really helpful to plan some time each week that is devoted to spending quality time with your child. It holds us as parents accountable, and gives the child something to look forward to.

Find a time that works well for you and commit to it. If it’s in your diary, and your child knows it’s happening, it will become a priority.

Of course, there will sometimes be times you really do need to change it, for reasons outside of your control. But do try and make space for it at some other time in the week, or add to the following week’s time.

How Can I Spend Quality Time With My Child If I Haven’t Much Money?

Whatever you do, please don’t buy into the idea that you need to spend lots of money on your child to give them a good time.

Watch a small child playing with a stick: in the space of a few minutes he or she might easily transform it from a fire hose, to a ladder, to a broomstick, to a phone.

There are so many ways you can spend quality time with your child for free, or at a very low cost.

Why not ask your child to help you come up with some ideas; they will probably enjoy their own suggestions most of all.

In the meantime, depending on your child’s age, you could try:

Playing pretend based on your child’s interests.
Playing some pen and paper games
Putting on a show using your child’s teddies
Making up your own songs to popular tunes
Dressing up with clothes already in the house
Going for a nature walk
Learning a new skill together using YouTube tutorials